Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
