By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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