dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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