My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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