my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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