Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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