I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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