lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
