RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
