There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
