i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
