The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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