We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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