if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
