When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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