4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am puke
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
