I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Randomize
