Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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