Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
