Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
