Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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