i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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