Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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