you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just found puke in my bra..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
