dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
my poor anus
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
