ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
