Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

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(425): View more from Washington

got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?

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(802): View more from Vermont

you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all

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(204): View more from Manitoba

I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now

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(631): View more from New York

speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"

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(813): View more from Florida

Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids

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(813): View more from Florida

Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!

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