so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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