my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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