Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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