just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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