We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm like, not good at living.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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