Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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