i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
