His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
