is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
