Porn is love you can see.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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