sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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