Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have to summon your inner elephant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
