They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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