So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
