Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
