trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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