i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
