You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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