and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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