First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
