WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
