Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
