dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
