So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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