u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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