How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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