Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight