I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.