just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm