She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
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I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly