I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
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Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that