So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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