I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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