You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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