Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've blown a few things in my day
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
