I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize